Maybe you should arrange to meet them at a park or somewhere neutral so that if your son starts to get upset in anyway- you can just walk away. The twins may react a lot better than the adults. I know with younger members of my family they ask questions outright, like 'why doesn't Harry speak to me' and are quite accepting when I simply say that he is a bit different from them and finds it hard to talk and play the same as them. Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

Hi EAyres

Welcome 

You have a family that sounds very like mine ... altho being older my parents are deceased it's my ex-in-laws that only either appear fleetingly at Christmas or stick a card in the post.

For what it's worth I say do what you want, be firm with them and tell them that you are having a quiet Christmas on your own with your immediate family, this is how you want end of story!!

You are absolutely right to do what is best for you and your family especially given that they dont bother any other time, your son doesnt know them, etc.

Perhaps if they are prepared to meet up for an outdoor picnic in a park in the summer to begin the process of getting to know each other (especially the children) then that makes for a better environment for your son where he is not in an enclosed space with lots of people/noise etc and you can just pack up and go when things are too much for him.  If they dont like it ... that's their problem.

Oh wait a minute, I think I am getting confused with your post.  When you speak about "dad" you dont mean your dad, you mean your son's dad ... is that right?

Another alternative is to turn it round and say that you will visit them individually and that way you can go to each house so there are less bodies around and you can leave if it's too much for your son.

Bottom line is you do what's best for you and your son and they will just have to accept it.  You could perhaps pick up son leaflets on autism or a book out of the library for his dad to read and get a better understanding of it so that he can educate his family.  You could even get leaflets for each member of his family and pass the to them.  If they are on the internet send them a link to the http://www.autism.org.uk/ website so they can find out more themselves.  That leaves the ball in their court to get an understanding of it and how it impacts on your son.

Hi Nana

Does your son live with your grandson?  Could your son not arrange to visit with you and bring his son so that you get to spend time with him?    It's a delicate situation but if your son is still with the mother of your grandson then it's really up to him to step up to the plate and find a solution that suits all.

Have you tried writing a letter to your daughter-in-law, perhaps offering to take your grandson overnight to let them have a night where they could perhaps go out and not worry about him?

Sometimes we parents worry that no-one else understand our child (when they are on the spectrum) and perhaps this is what is at the root of your daughter-in-law's difficulties.  Perhaps if you included in the letter that you would like to get to know your grandson better and to understand how to better help him and take your lead from her as she knows her son best and how to deal with the issues that he struggles with.

Hope this helps.