More advice from parents

Help your child to communicate and understand
Give the child a way to express when things are getting too much, for example a number scale to show people, or a traffic light system. It is important that their support staff at school know what this means, including lunch-time supervisors, and others around the child at school. "Sometimes our kids just need their own space, as does everyone at some point, the difference being that our kids sometimes can’t communicate their need just to have some space." (Parent) Developing effective ways to communicate with your child at times of stress can be key. Depending on the child, it could be useful to use visual aids such as picture symbols to explain clearly what behaviour is expected, or it you could work on establishing clear verbal prompts which can be easily understood.

Help your child to communicate and understand

Give the child a way to express when things are getting too much, for example a number scale to show people, or a traffic light system. It is important that their support staff at school know what this means, including lunch-time supervisors, and others around the child at school.

"Sometimes our kids just need their own space, as does everyone at some point, the difference being that our kids sometimes can’t communicate their need just to have some space." (Parent)

Developing effective ways to communicate with your child at times of stress can be key. Depending on the child, it could be useful to use visual aids such as picture symbols to explain clearly what behaviour is expected, or it you could work on establishing clear verbal prompts which can be easily understood.

Help your child to learn social skills
Use social stories and board games as a strategy for teaching and re-enforcing social skills and behaviours. "Turn taking is a social skill and all children can need help with this. Go back to basics, playing board games etc...." (Parent) "Try reading specially designed social stories, in a comic strip style, so that he knows he has to let others have a turn but also that he will get a turn." (Parent) See Useful Organisations and Further Reading for resources on social stories.

Help your child to learn social skills

Use social stories and board games as a strategy for teaching and re-enforcing social skills and behaviours.

"Turn taking is a social skill and all children can need help with this. Go back to basics, playing board games etc...." (Parent)

"Try reading specially designed social stories, in a comic strip style, so that he knows he has to let others have a turn but also that he will get a turn." (Parent)

See Useful Organisations and Further Reading for resources on social stories.

Think about the influence of computer games and television
Some parents notice a link between challenging behaviour and what the child is watching and worry that the child is modelling violent and aggressive behaviour from what he sees "It just shows you that people like ours have trouble of distinguishing comic fiction and real life. I know you can't blame childrens’ violence completely on tv, but I do think it does have some bearing on the minds of people with autism, because they can't understand that their actions cause pain and suffering to those around them, and can be easy to influence." (Parent)

Think about the influence of computer games and television

Some parents notice a link between challenging behaviour and what the child is watching and worry that the child is modelling violent and aggressive behaviour from what he sees

"It just shows you that people like ours have trouble of distinguishing comic fiction and real life. I know you can't blame childrens’ violence completely on tv, but I do think it does have some bearing on the minds of people with autism, because they can't understand that their actions cause pain and suffering to those around them, and can be easy to influence." (Parent)

Don’t reward the challenging behaviour by reacting
It is not easy, but it is vital to stay calm and neutral, rather than rewarding the challenging behaviour with an emotional reaction. "The only advice I can suggest is to try hard to keep your emotions out of the picture when he begins to meltdown. You need to stay objective and calm and be very firm in what you expect him to do using very specific language, but keeping it short and sweet and try not to get involved in a conversation about what you expect him to do.....He needs to be reminded all the time that you are the parent and you make the rules....sounds tough, but it really works." (Parent)

Don’t reward the challenging behaviour by reacting

It is not easy, but it is vital to stay calm and neutral, rather than rewarding the challenging behaviour with an emotional reaction.

"The only advice I can suggest is to try hard to keep your emotions out of the picture when he begins to meltdown. You need to stay objective and calm and be very firm in what you expect him to do using very specific language, but keeping it short and sweet and try not to get involved in a conversation about what you expect him to do.....He needs to be reminded all the time that you are the parent and you make the rules....sounds tough, but it really works." (Parent)

Reward the good behaviour
Token charts, where the child gets tokens for appropriate behaviour, can be very effective. Breaking things down into small steps, and rewarding each step sends clear messages about what is expected, and reinforce the positive behaviour. After gaining an agreed number of tokens, as small reward can be offered. "A reward system doesn’t need to be things that cost money, just things that your kids would like and that they can work towards. Kids respond better, I think, to positive rewards rather than negative punishments. It then puts the ball in their court to behave to achieve the rewards." (Parent)

Reward the good behaviour

Token charts, where the child gets tokens for appropriate behaviour, can be very effective. Breaking things down into small steps, and rewarding each step sends clear messages about what is expected, and reinforce the positive behaviour. After gaining an agreed number of tokens, as small reward can be offered.

"A reward system doesn’t need to be things that cost money, just things that your kids would like and that they can work towards. Kids respond better, I think, to positive rewards rather than negative punishments. It then puts the ball in their court to behave to achieve the rewards." (Parent)

Agree some clear rules and stick to them
"In fact children on the spectrum respond well to rigid rules (as do most children). It makes them feel safe and secure and it may sound strange, but when you are chastising them for wrongdoing it gets across the message that you care enough to want to prevent them from harm and to have them grow up to be respectful, kind and caring individuals." (Parent) "At home, if he hurts someone, he gets a warning and 3 warnings means the 'naughty step'. If it carries on after that, he loses a favourite toy. We try to keep it simple and not get into drawn out conversations. It's really hard as it can sometimes seem that the whole day if filled with conflict, but I believe that consistency is very important and you have to stick at it." (Parent) If it is a means of getting attention, challenging behaviour can often get worse before it gets better, as the child tries harder and harder to get a reaction. This is the time to try to remain consistent and neutral. If you are working together with other people in the child’s life, so that you are all consistent, the behaviour should decrease. "Its important that once you choose behaviours that are not acceptable that they are always unacceptable.. consistency is vital." (Parent)

Agree some clear rules and stick to them

"In fact children on the spectrum respond well to rigid rules (as do most children). It makes them feel safe and secure and it may sound strange, but when you are chastising them for wrongdoing it gets across the message that you care enough to want to prevent them from harm and to have them grow up to be respectful, kind and caring individuals." (Parent)

"At home, if he hurts someone, he gets a warning and 3 warnings means the 'naughty step'. If it carries on after that, he loses a favourite toy. We try to keep it simple and not get into drawn out conversations. It's really hard as it can sometimes seem that the whole day if filled with conflict, but I believe that consistency is very important and you have to stick at it." (Parent)

If it is a means of getting attention, challenging behaviour can often get worse before it gets better, as the child tries harder and harder to get a reaction. This is the time to try to remain consistent and neutral. If you are working together with other people in the child’s life, so that you are all consistent, the behaviour should decrease.

"Its important that once you choose behaviours that are not acceptable that they are always unacceptable.. consistency is vital." (Parent)

Establish a routine
Knowing what is going to happen next is an important part of being able to feel secure and happy. You can use pictoral prompts such as PECs symbols (See Useful Organisations ) to build a timetable for your child’s day. If your child finds unstructured playtime problematic – see if the school can arrange for structured interaction time, perhaps a room where they can go with one or two friends.

Establish a routine

Knowing what is going to happen next is an important part of being able to feel secure and happy. You can use pictoral prompts such as PECs symbols (See Useful Organisations ) to build a timetable for your child’s day.

If your child finds unstructured playtime problematic – see if the school can arrange for structured interaction time, perhaps a room where they can go with one or two friends.