February 2010 Member Q&A: Leanne

Hi,

1.My story .. well that started  5 years ago this July when I was reunited with an old boyfriend - now my husband- and I became step mother to his 2 children.When I first met them, Alistair was 4 ish and Johnathon 10.They were living in the US at the time, Alistair had been diagnosed as severly autistic aged 3.5 , Johnathon was yet to be diagnosed but had delayed speech as a toddler and behavioual difficulties, he also had a very restricted diet.

My husband and I were awarded custody of the boys and they came to live with me and my 2 children in the UK , in Aug 2006. That was my introduction to autism and special needs children.Up until then I had been working in a bank and had no real idea what autism was.

2.I found out about Treehouse whilst on holiday last year.The lady staying in the yurt next door had done some website work, I think, for Treehouse and we got talking about children etc and  she was surprised to find out that Alistair had autism , anyway  I said I was looking for a support group or something and she mentioned Treehouse.That will be a year this August.

3.Get control of your child, dont let their behaviour rule the house. Oh and dont panic, autistic children can and do learn its just different to the way a typical child does.And finally be consistant.. its the hardest thing I have had to do  but its definately worth it.

4.Getting Alistair to eat a banana.. I was trying to show him via PECS that if he asked for something he had to eat it.He was an exceptionally  fussy eater. He asked for a banana so I gave it to him.. he didnt want it.So a battle of wills commenced.. it lasted for hours.Him sat with this banana ,me putting it in his mouth him saying No , every time he said no he bit down and eventually it went. After that pretty much whatever I put in front of him he ate and he pretty much only asked for things he wanted to eat :)

5.Challenging,fascinating and relentless.

1.Assuming all the kids were happily taken care of then... my husband and I, a tropical location , hut by the sea with fantastic room service and lots of good books :)

2.My husband, books, my ipod.

3. Roaming around antique shops with my husband.

Leanne - Community Champion

Hi Leanne,

It has been lovely to read your story, thanks for sharing it with us.....I really admire your determination and commitment to your children's development....it seems like when you come up against a problem, you just keep going at it until its sorted! (for example with the eating issue).... Have there been any hurdles you have swerved round or times when you have thrown the towel in and do you think it was the right choice to do so?

Claire - Community Champion ....p.s I love antique shops too! I wouldnt have a clue if I was looking at a materpiece mind!

Hi Tracy

Trust you to ask a difficult one to start !!

Now that Alistair is in the place he is I actually find him the easiest out of all 4 of my children to care for.

Alistair actually listens to what I ask him and pretty much does it, he is much more switched on about what is in his best interest and learns when he does things wrong.He also gives me insight on what is going on with Johnathon.Alistair interacts with all of his siblings the same, if anything he interacts better with his step siblings than his brother as Johnathon really doesnt know how to interact with him and so it can be awkward.

I find Aspergers incredibly difficult to deal with but in fairness I can not tell for sure how much is the Aspergers,him being a teenager or the fact I am his step mum or him just being him !!

Unfortunately Johnathon hates doing things wrong and doesnt like being corrected or saying sorry.. until he is in a place to accept responsibilty for things then he cant change what he is doing and move forward.This I think is one of the main differences between the boys and I think is at the core of why Alistair has made huge progress and Johnathin has been much slower.

Leanne - Community Champion

Hi Claire,

I have learnt to choose my battles carefully and make sure I have the energy to deal with them.. at the start I kind of fell into situations and most of the time I was exhausted but knew consistancy was really important and once I had started something I had to finish it.

I can remember once when I was trying to teach Alistair to talk.. he had an animal book and he pointed to a butterfly and said 'wowl' I said no its a 'butterfly',I told him to break it up into 'butter' and 'fly' which he did but when I pointed to it he said 'wowl'. It took about an hour of butterfly /wowl before he conceded and said butterfly perfectly !! After that he got into the habit of repeating words much better.

There have been several situations with Johnathon where I have come very close to giving up..mainly because I can't be sure whether I am asking too much of him or is it that he can't be bothered. He requires continual, consistant parenting and everything is a battle.. but by giving up and letting him do his own thing I know that yes he would be happier ( I would be happier too) but long term it would be so detrimental for him and I just can't do that to him.

I was very tempted recently to just give up on him sorting out his clothes.. it took something like 2/3 weeks to get him to sort through his old clothes. I ranted about this recently.. I lost track of the amount of times I had to explain how to tell if clothes dont fit !!Things like that, I know he has to learn how to do but when it gets to a battle over what constitutes a label.. I came close to just giving up and doing it myself but I know that it is just him pushing the boundaries.

Leanne - Community Champion

Hi Elena

I had been looking for some sort of support group for ages and just couldn't find the right place. Treehouse and all the lovely people on it have been so amazing. Its so reassuring to know that whatever I am going through ,there is some one else who has experienced the same thing and sometimes solutions can be offered, if not its just nice to know am not on my own.

Johnathon ,bless him,is most  definately a work in progress :) Academically he is doing really well (thank goodness )because for a very long time he was under achieving.Its so frustrating knowing that your child has the ability  but knowing it is not being realised.For the longest time it was myself and my husband working against both Johnathon and the school.He has a very lazy work ethic - as far as he was concerned he was a genius and assumed that that was enough.It took a while for him to understand that he was actually going to have evidence of how clever he was in the form of exams and qualifications.

At the moment his lying concerns me hugely because I dont know what he is capable of doing and I don't think its a nice trait to have. It is incredibly difficult to persuade a child who has lied for so long not to.I really thought that by now the amount of times I have caught him out would have made him see sense but no. It makes me wonder how many I am missing to make it worth while....on a more positive note though he doesnt trash the house or yell and swear at me and to the best of my knowledge is neither smoking or drinking or taking drugs so thats something to be greatful for :)

Leanne - Community Champion