New to site but not autism

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Posted by
elastigirl

on 3rd March 2010

at 12:35

This is my first post- hope I am doing it right.

I am Elizabeth.I have 2 boys on spectrum. Jack is 11 and in Senior mainstream. He is higher functioning so gets very little help at school. His worst behaviour problem is anger. He has to win everything or else he feels a failure. My concerns are how others will react when they witness this behaviour. At the moment he is not out and about socialising as he prefers his computer.And how can I help him deal with this behaviour?

My other son is Daniel aged 10 and he is at a special school and doing fine, although his autism is more noticeable than Jacks.I think people are more tolerent of him because he is more obvious- if you know what I mean.

I also suffer from health issues and have found the past ten years a struggle.

I look forward to chatting to others in the same boat.

Best wishes

Elizabeth

Posted by
Josie Barnshaw

on 3rd March 2010

at 13:54

Hi Elizabeth

Welcome to the group. Dont worry about what and how you post; there are no set rules for it, just say it how you want.

My youngest is 14 with a diagnosis of Aspergers and in mainstream high school and I know what you mean about the lack of help as he, and many others, are not seen as requiring help. I think the more obvious the difficulties the more likely you are to get some help, but even then it is not enough.

Have a look around all the discussions on the forum and see if you can find any helpful advice or indeed add anything that you can to the discussions which might help some of the rest of us. If you have any specific problems/questions please do not hesitate to ask and we will all help in any way we can.

Josie - Community Champion

Posted by
Elena Goodrum

on 4th March 2010

at 11:56

Hi Elizabeth, and welcome! Looks to me like you did just fine posting your first discussion! Let me know if you need any help finding your way around or learning to use any other features here in the community.

Is Jack socialising on his computer do you think? Maybe it will be a nice half-way point - learning to talk to people online, and then putting it to the test in public...

Posted by
elastigirl

on 4th March 2010

at 13:21

Hi Josie and Elena. Thankyou for your replies.

Jack does socialise on the computer.It is face- to- face social skills he is poor at.He started Senior school in Sept.He was School Action Plus until then and now I have had very little contact with the new school. I have had to request IEP meetings to be re-instated as they seem to be dropped without my knowledge.I am told they have no concerns.He does have issues with concerntration,organisation skills,speech and language(can be difficult to work out what he is trying to say. He gets the order wrong) and anger management. At home he gets incredibly angry with the wii, playstation etc.He is very,very good at the games but sets really high standards and then gets worked up and aggressive.He used to get angry in lots of situations, such as change, space being invaded and doing homework but seems to handle them much betterlnow. I think he just got more used to these situations and learnt to deal with them so they no longer cause him as much anxiety.

I really dont know how to deal with him when he is angry.We usuallygive him calm warnings and then take the equiptment away.

Best wishes

Elizabeth

Posted by
asteroids

on 4th March 2010

at 14:40

Hi Elizabeth,

Welcome to the forum. You certainly have your hands full. It's interesting that Daniel's behaviour is tolerated more than Jack's. That is a major problem with high functioning autism and Aspergers Syndrome. It really is a hidden disability. We're all working for more autism awarenss in the hope that people will understand some of the difficulties a bit more.

I work with a couple of boys who can't cope with losing and get terribly angry: hitting, punching, kicking anyone or anything that gets in the way. I think your current approach is a good one: calm warnings then take the equipment away. Do you find this works? Does he usually calm down quickly?

You might find the Incredible 5 point scale useful too. http://www.5pointscale.com/

Are you in contact with CAMHS or anyone else who might be able to help Jack with his anger and also social skills?

Asteroids Sara - Community Champion

Posted by
elastigirl

on 5th March 2010

at 12:39

Hello Sara,

Thankyou for your comments.

Taking his equiptment away does work but id much prefer to learn how to deal with his anger and teach him how how he can learn to deal with it.He used to have a stress ball and a laminated scale at his previous school. I dont thionk he wants to acknowledge his difficulties now he is at a new school. I have noticed lots of doodling on his school books and several stabbed pencil cases and broken rulers.I imagine these are taking the brunt of his anger at present.

He also is very quick to cry if upset and his voice gets higher and he talks constantly. Now that is going to get noticed at school.

Sorry i dont know what CAMHS is. He did have a small group session with a child psychologist last year but 6sessions was not enough.

Regards

Elizabeth

Posted by
Leanne

on 7th March 2010

at 12:18

Hi Elizabeth

I am in a very similar situation to you. My eldest step son has Aspergers and my youngest has autism. Johnathon (the eldest 14) is in mainstream school with no support and Alistair 8 attends an autism unit attached to a mainstream school.Alistairs autism is more noticeable because his speech is severely delayed. Johnathon has emotional and social difficulties as well as huge amounts of anxiety. He cannot tolerate being wrong and hates any form of correction or criticism whether it be constructive or otherwise.. He is in yr 10. He also cries at the drop of a hat. When he lived with his mother he used to be violent and lash out and break things.. he doesnt demonstrate this behaviour with me but I know he does get very angry.

When he first attended school we made it a point of asking him exactly what had happened at school good/bad. Anything bad we broke down into little role plays to actually show him what had happened and why it had happened.

I constantly observe his interaction with his step siblings to give me a guide on how he is with his friends and coach him accordingly. I did learn though that unfortunatley alot of the things he would/does learn the hard way - apparently that is typical for alot of children with autism.

Regarding your sons anger.. what about getting him a punch bag. I bought one for my 'typical' son this Christmas http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/BOYS-GIRLS-BOXING-KICK-BOXING-ELECTRONIC-TRAINER_W... it certainly helps him to get rid of his frustration.

Am more than happy to swap best practice ideas etc with you :)

Leanne - Community Champion

Posted by
bumblebee

on 7th March 2010

at 15:51

Hi Elizabeth,

I haven't been about much recently due to home type dramas!! I hae 3 children with ASD/AS aged 4, 11 and 14. Your son is struggling with some really common difficulties...have you heard of executive functioning skills? Impairments in these are closely linked to autism and include things like organisation etc.... http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Executive-function.html this site gives some very general info, and includes some things that may not be relevant, but I thought that it may help to give you some insight.....

Great idea of Leannes about the punch bag...we have been through about 4 in this house the kids keep breaking them!!

Claire - Community Champion

Posted by
elastigirl

on 11th March 2010

at 10:15

Thankyou I will take a look at the links. He has improved so much in many ways but this anger thing is too much for me. For instance I can get him to do his homework-eventually-and he doesnt react to my comments like he used to such as his writing needs to improve a little. I am proud of him for that. But he must win everything and says he is a failure if he doesnt win or beat times on his computer games. He is not bothered about his homework standards though!

I attended a very helpful meeting yesterday and got a few pointers. It seems it is quite a common issue with those on the spectrum.Strangely that reassures me as I do feel that people dont believe me when I say he has problems. Family

members expect him to know everything(how to answer their questions, how to sit still etc...) but I know it doesnt come naturally.

I am so relieved that you all understand.

Best wishes

Elizabeth

Posted by
asteroids

on 11th March 2010

at 10:40

Hi Elizabeth,

It is reasssuring to know that you are not alone with these difficulties. I think support groups are important even if it's just an opportunity to meet and chat with other parents.

You asked about CAMHS. This is the Child and Adolescent Mental Health service. They might have arranged the group sessions your son attended before. They should be able to provide some anger management sessions but services seem to vary depending on where you live (postcode lottery) so I don't know what's available in your area.

Asteroids Sara - Community Champion

Posted by
elastigirl

on 19th March 2010

at 12:27

He did have some group sessions two years ago but the problem remains. He was discharged and I was told I could go back to my GP to ask for more(although there is a long waiting list).

I think he copes at school and hasnt had any anger issues. I am surprised he gets through the day with all the instructions and lessons thrown at him. I do find his pencil case is stabbed and his rulers regularly snapped in half and doodles over everything.If He did have an angry outburst I wouldnt know how the school would deal with it and if it would make things worse.I suppose I need to be prepared cos he has tons of anger issues at home.

thanks for listening

Elizabeth