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Posted by
herbie

on 4th February 2010

at 12:21

Hi My name is Elaine. I live in wiltshire. I have a son who is 8 in march & has a diagnosis of ASD(high functioning autism).I joined here in the hope of meeting other parents in a similiar situation & perhaps getting advice on how best 2 deal with certain situations.

Posted by
Leanne

on 4th February 2010

at 13:05

Hi Elaine

Welcome to Treehouse, lovely to meet you :)

I have an 8yr old stepson who was diagnosed as severly autistic aged 3.5 but is definately not that now. I also have a 14yr old stepson who has aspergers.

Does your son attend a mainstream school ??

Leanne - Community Champion

Posted by
Snowdrop

on 4th February 2010

at 13:25

Hi Elaine & welcome to the forum

I am mum to 2 boys (a 4 year old with ASD & an 11 month old).

What situations would you like to talk about?

Tracy - Community Champion

Posted by
herbie

on 4th February 2010

at 13:35

Thank you Leeanne. yes he's in mainstream school.He's doing alot better than expected at school. He has friends but typically there is social issues.

Posted by
herbie

on 4th February 2010

at 13:56

Recently he has been having more & more social related issues at school. He doesn't know he has an ASD & I'm thinking now that if he knew maybe it would help him. I don't know how 2 say it 2 him. I also think I prob haven't helped because in the past if he's said he finds things difficult (telling me how his day is,writing,etc), I always said every1 finds things difficult sometimes but if we practise it,it'll be easier. So I'm trying 2 work out how 2 tell him.

Posted by
Josie Barnshaw

on 4th February 2010

at 14:49

Hi Elaine

Welcome to the group. My son is 14 with Aspergers and in mainstream school. He was diagnosed officially when he was 7/8 years old but I knew from he was 3/4 that he was on the spectrum somewhere so he has always "known" that he was on the spectrum but he didnt really show any interest in wanting to know more about it until he was about 9/10. At this point he was getting some input from the local CAMHS Clinic for his aggressive behaviour and some CBT for other issues and they held a few one to one sessions with him using a book with interactive questions and responses for him to select how certain things made him feel and emphasising that having Aspergers didnt make him daft and wasnt his fault. This was very useful and helped him understand a bit better.

Maybe you could access similar help or check out the NAS.org site and see if they have any useful leaflets that you could get a hold of.

Josie - Community Champion

Posted by
herbie

on 4th February 2010

at 15:25

Elaine Harvey

Thank you very much Josie. I will do that. My son has no idea at all that he has an ASD. Telling him b4 wasn't an option because his understanding just wasn't there. He had all the milestone delays (didn't talk until 2 1/2)but by the time he got his diagnosis at 4 his speech was in the normal range & was making progress in all areas. He was slow starting but once he got going he hasn't stopped making progress so I don't think his level of understanding is as good as a child with aspergers. He is also gobby lol so chances r when I do tell him, he will tell any1 that will listen. Thank you 4 ur help

Posted by
bumblebee

on 4th February 2010

at 15:46

Hi Elaine and welcome!

Josie has given you some great advice, all I can add is that Tony Attwood (the autism guru!) said in his conference that you should tell children they have autism/ASD etc and I'm pretty sure he wrote a book about how to do it too.....he said it would be good to make it visual and write a list of all the things members of the family are good/bad at and then when doing your son's say that group of good and bad things has a name called ASD and go from there. One thing he said that was very important to make clear was that ASD/autism is not a disease or an illness and that people can't die from it! My daughter was told when she was 8 and it helped her so much.....she began to accept herself and understanding why she struggled with things meant that she could process it in a more positive way. We also focused heavily on the strengths and likes/dislikes etc and also showing her that we all have things we are good/bad at etc...

Please let us know how you get on and what apprach works for you. My son is 4 and was diagnosed aged 2, I often think I have to keep telling him he has autism so he grows up just accepting it, but not sure if it is the right way to do it in his case! I guess it comes down to each child and thier own personality as to how best to approach this, but the above approach worked with my daughter and she just accepted it.

Claire - Community Champion

Posted by
herbie

on 4th February 2010

at 17:39

Thank you Claire, I will focus on the strengths, he has realised his memory is better than his peers(4 things he likes). Thats 1 of the things that have helped him socially because if the boys in his class want 2 know anything factual about ben10, pokemon or computer games, he's the person 2 ask.He's also naturally good at maths. Motor skills wise, he knows he finds those type things harder than his peers. I will use these examples 4 the positive/negative. I'm sure this would make it easier 4 him 2 understand. Thank you so much Claire & Josie 4 the advice, I will def use both:)

Posted by
Leanne

on 4th February 2010

at 19:13

Hi Elaine

I think that the more you treat it as something that's okay the better he will deal with it.

I would definately concentrate on the positives because really the positives do out weigh the negatives.. I always say to my step son that the fact he does have a good memory and can learn things quickly means that if he puts his mind to it he too can learn the social/emotional things.

He gets frustrated because things that 'typical' children just know he has to learn but I spin that around and say that the things he can just do (like rememeber everything)typical children really have to work hard at.

The earlier you start working with him on the social things the better it will be for him in the long run.Even things like teaching him that certain conversations are for home and others are for school/friends.

Maybe knowing that there is a reason why certain things are harder for him may actually come as a relief for him.Good luck :)

Leanne - Community Champion

Posted by
herbie

on 4th February 2010

at 19:34

Thank you Leeanne, yes I def will. I must admit when I read what u wrote I thought wow that's exactly the issues we have. He doesn't care where he is if he thinks something he says it. I do try & tell him but its like he just can't help himself. The major social issue we have is that he misunderstands alot(child accidentally knocks in2 him they have hit him). Obviously as a parent u have 2 b vigilant of bullying but that can b difficult when he thinks bullying is any behaviour directed at him that he doesn't like. Thank you every1 u all have been so helpful.I do have friends with children with ASD but they r at a different place on the spectrum so they don't have the same issues.

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