I completely agree about the control thing, linking the meltdowns to anxiety. I see this in my daughter and my son. Thanks for sharing your expierience and insight with us.
Claire - Community Champion
Posted by Josie Barnshaw
on 17th September 2009
at 21:51
Hi Thomas
I see you found us. That's very interesting about the different schools you attended. Did you find once you got to High School that some teachers interacted with you in a better way than others? Do you think there is a need for more training for teachers on the difficulties that pupils on the spectrum have with certain aspects of school life, eg, homework, written work, the way they (the teachers) communicate, etc.
BTW Sorry you didnt make it last night, it was awesome!!
Josie - CommunityChampion
Posted by Anna Marshall
on 23rd September 2009
at 12:27
Dear Thomas,
I just wanted to pop in and say welcome to talk about autism - it's really great to have you here with us and I look forward to reading your posts in the future. If you would like to find out any more information about the forum, or about TreeHouse, do just ask!
Thanks again Thomas
Anna
TreeHouse Staff
Posted by Elena Goodrum
on 23rd September 2009
at 13:05
Hiya Thomas - I also wanted to stop in and say hello. I've been on holiday but am back in action now. Thank you for giving us your thoughts!
I also wanted to let you know that I removed all of that funny text from your post. I think it happens if you type in Word (or something similar) and then paste your words into the text box here in the forum. Anyway, whenever I spot stuff like that I try and clean it up, so no worries if it happens again. : )
My son used to display his frustration/anger by pulling faces.. I always knew when he was going to be difficult because he would pull a a certain face.This was when he was non- verbal.I would say 'nice face' and eventually he would change his expression and be nice.I always found it fascinating that he couldnt be stroppy when he had his 'nice face'.
He has gone through phases of throwing himself on the floor screaming..he usually did this when he was with someone that would pick him up or would get easily embarassed - one of his teachers.
He also pinches and slaps himself or at least threatens too, I let him do it, and he has yet to actually hurt himself.I think he tried it at school and they were horrified at the thought and gave in to him.
He has thrown his toys on a couple of occassions, he soon stopped this as he got a major telling off.
I have noticed with him that even when he is at his most furious ,his actions are always controlled, he has kicked ,spat at and hit teachers but has never done this with me.He has gone to and stopped himself.. again something I find fascinating.
He is going through a phase where he hates waiting and he has discovered the word NO with great venom.
He has recently developed a really high pitched scream/squeal when he is angry.
I get through his meltdowns with varying techniques depending on what he is doing thats not acceptable -
If he is doing something we dont want him to then just a clear No is normally enough to get him to stop , if he displays agressive behaviour or frustration then we move on to timeout. (when we are at home)
The timeout is done with a timer that he can see and is always in the same place.Gives him a cooling off period stopping things escalating.
I sometimes just get him to sit on the floor with his hands in his lap.. again to just calm down.
Ignoring his whinging works too sometimes.. as does refusing to look at him.
If he does things at school that are not acceptable- hitting,kicking etc then he is sent straight to bed when he gets home... I even give him tea in bed.This is the worst punishment for him and is usually effective in getting the message home.
If he plays up when we are out I will usually take him in a quiet corner and tell him his behaviour is not acceptable and be nice... said in a very clear .. not a happy bunny voice.. so he knows I am serious.
Recently we went on holiday and we took him to the seaside.. We wanted to walk along the promenade before going on the beach.I explained this to him but he had other ideas wanting to go on the beach immediately.He screamed and cried and shouted.I was with my husband and other 2 children who found it distressing but I stressed it was important to do what we had set out to do regardless.I didnt want him to control the situation.Once we had done the walk - him still shouting etc me dragging him along - I sat him on the bench let him watch his siblings and my husband go on the beach, me saying to him.. be nice and then you can go on the beach... once he calmed down about 5 mins...we went on the beach.He played really happily without a care in the world.. I needed several large G&Ts !!Didnt get them though....
We do work really hard with him to let him see that his meltdowns always result in bad things for him and never get him what he wants.We do acknowledge that they are as a result of either frustration /attempt to gain control.
They do seem to be improving as his speech is improving.Well kind of anyway!!
Posted by Leanne
on 23rd September 2009
at 14:01
Hi Thomas,
You mentioned the importance of autistic children having/being in control of situations.Do you know if this need can create self destructive tendancies ??
I have a 14yr old step son with Aspergers who works against almost everything we try to do with him.. this morning ,for example I asked him what lessons he had today - he reeled them off, I knew he had the last 2 wrong .. I asked if he had actually checked his timetable before/during packing his bag he said No.Consequently he has taken the wrong books to school!!
He has a fantastic memory for things that interest him but for anything else he refuses to remember anything and also refuses to use checklists to help him remember.He also hates getting anything wrong or being corrected for anything.
I think he is using the refusal to use checklists as a control thing over me and his dad.
Are you familiar with any of this ???
leanne
Posted by Thomas W Richardson
on 24th September 2009
at 17:29
Well I guess I would have to ask if your son can handle social things with ease or has great difficulty, I would give me a idea of how much his Aspergers affects him. If he has problems that means he has copping I would think this is just another way of being the 'boss'.
From what I'v learned from the aussies I'v knew (and I think I was like this when I was about his age myself). They seem to think if they get something wrong such and such times they might have thigns changed to suit them, or it could be a way of showing them that they need help in those classes or in school.
On another note thanks for the welcome all, good to have a forum about 'my people' haha
ohh and by the way Josie, I managed to get to the talk but was stuck at the back of the building most it lol then my lift insisted on having everyone leave as soon as the lad finish speaking lol figures eh
Posted by asteroids
on 24th September 2009
at 18:05
Are there any other adults with autism who still have meltdowns? I still have them about once every 6 months. I can control my emotions most of the time and I try to deal with stresses and anxieties before they get too much. However, there are some things I just can't resolve so these get pushed to the back of my mind. About once every 6 months, some trigger (often quite trivial) will set me off. I tend to shout, rant, throw things then I go for a very long walk to calm myself down. My husband has very quickly learnt how to cope with my meltdowns. He doesn't shout back, he stays calm and quiet then (if I allow him) he comes walking with me. After a few hours of walking, we're usually able to talk and sort things out.
Posted by Thomas W Richardson
on 25th September 2009
at 17:45
I would think it's jsut another one of the things "aussies" have to put up really. We might learn to controll things to a point, but we need to remeber that there really isn't a cure for stuff like that yet I guess. Its about the same time I end going of the rails too, 6 months can go fine then something will just tip the boat. Though it seems I'v outgrown meltdowns like your'v said e.g the throwing things though I will give thign s a good shouting, other than that depresson just hits for the rest of it
Posted by bumblebee
on 28th September 2009
at 09:32
Hi Thomas...
Great to have you here! I found it interesting reading your post Asteroids, My husband has many autistic traits and recognises a lot of our childrens behaviour/difficulties in himself. About once every 6 months he explodes! He is usually a calm, sweet man and doesn't usually show much emotion, but it is as if everything builds up and like a volcano...he errupts! He slams doors and shouts usually for about an hor and then calms down again. I thought it was because he couldn't fix the problems woth the children and it was frustration, but although I think this is closely linked, I also think it is just complete 'overload'.......
![SiftGroups.com [opens in a new window]](sites/www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/themes/zen/treehouse/images/siftGroupsLogo.gif)
Posted by
bumblebee
on 17th September 2009
at 21:38
Hi...
I completely agree about the control thing, linking the meltdowns to anxiety. I see this in my daughter and my son. Thanks for sharing your expierience and insight with us.
Claire - Community Champion
Posted by
Josie Barnshaw
on 17th September 2009
at 21:51
Hi Thomas
I see you found us. That's very interesting about the different schools you attended. Did you find once you got to High School that some teachers interacted with you in a better way than others? Do you think there is a need for more training for teachers on the difficulties that pupils on the spectrum have with certain aspects of school life, eg, homework, written work, the way they (the teachers) communicate, etc.
BTW Sorry you didnt make it last night, it was awesome!!
Josie - Community Champion
Posted by
Anna Marshall
on 23rd September 2009
at 12:27
Dear Thomas,
I just wanted to pop in and say welcome to talk about autism - it's really great to have you here with us and I look forward to reading your posts in the future. If you would like to find out any more information about the forum, or about TreeHouse, do just ask!
Thanks again Thomas
Anna
TreeHouse Staff
Posted by
Elena Goodrum
on 23rd September 2009
at 13:05
Hiya Thomas - I also wanted to stop in and say hello. I've been on holiday but am back in action now. Thank you for giving us your thoughts!
I also wanted to let you know that I removed all of that funny text from your post. I think it happens if you type in Word (or something similar) and then paste your words into the text box here in the forum. Anyway, whenever I spot stuff like that I try and clean it up, so no worries if it happens again. : )
We're glad you're here, and see you around!
Elena Goodrum
Community Manager
talk about autism
elena@talkaboutautism.org.uk
Posted by
Leanne
on 23rd September 2009
at 13:28
Hi
My son used to display his frustration/anger by pulling faces.. I always knew when he was going to be difficult because he would pull a a certain face.This was when he was non- verbal.I would say 'nice face' and eventually he would change his expression and be nice.I always found it fascinating that he couldnt be stroppy when he had his 'nice face'.
He has gone through phases of throwing himself on the floor screaming..he usually did this when he was with someone that would pick him up or would get easily embarassed - one of his teachers.
He also pinches and slaps himself or at least threatens too, I let him do it, and he has yet to actually hurt himself.I think he tried it at school and they were horrified at the thought and gave in to him.
He has thrown his toys on a couple of occassions, he soon stopped this as he got a major telling off.
I have noticed with him that even when he is at his most furious ,his actions are always controlled, he has kicked ,spat at and hit teachers but has never done this with me.He has gone to and stopped himself.. again something I find fascinating.
He is going through a phase where he hates waiting and he has discovered the word NO with great venom.
He has recently developed a really high pitched scream/squeal when he is angry.
I get through his meltdowns with varying techniques depending on what he is doing thats not acceptable -
If he is doing something we dont want him to then just a clear No is normally enough to get him to stop , if he displays agressive behaviour or frustration then we move on to timeout. (when we are at home)
The timeout is done with a timer that he can see and is always in the same place.Gives him a cooling off period stopping things escalating.
I sometimes just get him to sit on the floor with his hands in his lap.. again to just calm down.
Ignoring his whinging works too sometimes.. as does refusing to look at him.
If he does things at school that are not acceptable- hitting,kicking etc then he is sent straight to bed when he gets home... I even give him tea in bed.This is the worst punishment for him and is usually effective in getting the message home.
If he plays up when we are out I will usually take him in a quiet corner and tell him his behaviour is not acceptable and be nice... said in a very clear .. not a happy bunny voice.. so he knows I am serious.
Recently we went on holiday and we took him to the seaside.. We wanted to walk along the promenade before going on the beach.I explained this to him but he had other ideas wanting to go on the beach immediately.He screamed and cried and shouted.I was with my husband and other 2 children who found it distressing but I stressed it was important to do what we had set out to do regardless.I didnt want him to control the situation.Once we had done the walk - him still shouting etc me dragging him along - I sat him on the bench let him watch his siblings and my husband go on the beach, me saying to him.. be nice and then you can go on the beach... once he calmed down about 5 mins...we went on the beach.He played really happily without a care in the world.. I needed several large G&Ts !!Didnt get them though....
We do work really hard with him to let him see that his meltdowns always result in bad things for him and never get him what he wants.We do acknowledge that they are as a result of either frustration /attempt to gain control.
They do seem to be improving as his speech is improving.Well kind of anyway!!
Posted by
Leanne
on 23rd September 2009
at 14:01
Hi Thomas,
You mentioned the importance of autistic children having/being in control of situations.Do you know if this need can create self destructive tendancies ??
I have a 14yr old step son with Aspergers who works against almost everything we try to do with him.. this morning ,for example I asked him what lessons he had today - he reeled them off, I knew he had the last 2 wrong .. I asked if he had actually checked his timetable before/during packing his bag he said No.Consequently he has taken the wrong books to school!!
He has a fantastic memory for things that interest him but for anything else he refuses to remember anything and also refuses to use checklists to help him remember.He also hates getting anything wrong or being corrected for anything.
I think he is using the refusal to use checklists as a control thing over me and his dad.
Are you familiar with any of this ???
leanne
Posted by
Thomas W Richardson
on 24th September 2009
at 17:29
Well I guess I would have to ask if your son can handle social things with ease or has great difficulty, I would give me a idea of how much his Aspergers affects him. If he has problems that means he has copping I would think this is just another way of being the 'boss'.
From what I'v learned from the aussies I'v knew (and I think I was like this when I was about his age myself). They seem to think if they get something wrong such and such times they might have thigns changed to suit them, or it could be a way of showing them that they need help in those classes or in school.
On another note thanks for the welcome all, good to have a forum about 'my people' haha
ohh and by the way Josie, I managed to get to the talk but was stuck at the back of the building most it lol then my lift insisted on having everyone leave as soon as the lad finish speaking lol figures eh
Posted by
asteroids
on 24th September 2009
at 18:05
Are there any other adults with autism who still have meltdowns? I still have them about once every 6 months. I can control my emotions most of the time and I try to deal with stresses and anxieties before they get too much. However, there are some things I just can't resolve so these get pushed to the back of my mind. About once every 6 months, some trigger (often quite trivial) will set me off. I tend to shout, rant, throw things then I go for a very long walk to calm myself down. My husband has very quickly learnt how to cope with my meltdowns. He doesn't shout back, he stays calm and quiet then (if I allow him) he comes walking with me. After a few hours of walking, we're usually able to talk and sort things out.
Posted by
Thomas W Richardson
on 25th September 2009
at 17:45
I would think it's jsut another one of the things "aussies" have to put up really. We might learn to controll things to a point, but we need to remeber that there really isn't a cure for stuff like that yet I guess. Its about the same time I end going of the rails too, 6 months can go fine then something will just tip the boat. Though it seems I'v outgrown meltdowns like your'v said e.g the throwing things though I will give thign s a good shouting, other than that depresson just hits for the rest of it
Posted by
bumblebee
on 28th September 2009
at 09:32
Hi Thomas...
Great to have you here! I found it interesting reading your post Asteroids, My husband has many autistic traits and recognises a lot of our childrens behaviour/difficulties in himself. About once every 6 months he explodes! He is usually a calm, sweet man and doesn't usually show much emotion, but it is as if everything builds up and like a volcano...he errupts! He slams doors and shouts usually for about an hor and then calms down again. I thought it was because he couldn't fix the problems woth the children and it was frustration, but although I think this is closely linked, I also think it is just complete 'overload'.......
Claire - Community Champion