I need to rant, as Dylan was starting school in September I threw him a party at a soft play centre for his 4th birthday in June & invited kids from his pre-school that were going to be in his class at school, I did this even though I knew he wouldn't play with them but would love being there but so they would know who Dylan was & may pay him a bit of attention at school or at least not be horrible to him at school. Some of the invited kids that I knew had had parties & not invited Dylan but I did it anyway. 1 of the mums said her daughter would love to go but she doesn't drive so couldn't make it, I ended up giving her & her daughter a ride to & from the party & everthing went fine.
Today I found out she is throwing her daughter a 5th party & hasn't invited Dylan. I'm so upset & annoyed as I told her about Dylans language delay & how I hoped the party would help him socialise & she was very sympathetic but now shes done this. I would never have done that, out of politeness I would always make a point of inviting children that had invited my child, this woman talks to me a lot at the school & at the local toddler group & I feel like I could hit her next time I see her, I'm obviously not going to but I just feel so wound up about it.
There I've said my bit, I realise this may not be seem a big deal but its really upset me, anyway now I'm off to eat my dinner & have a large drink!!
Tracy
Posted by Josie Barnshaw
on 25th September 2009
at 12:06
Hi Tracy
Hope the dinner and large drink did the trick!!
I think you have to look at it this way; it is their loss. Is Dylan aware of the party and if so, how has he taken it? I think I would have felt the same as you; sad at how my child had been treated, but I didnt come across this situation as Tom doesnt do parties or situations where there is no structure to the activities; he doesnt do Halloween, parties, school activities, etc.
Josie - CommunityChampion
Posted by Leanne
on 25th September 2009
at 14:29
Hi Tracy,
Your feelings are completely understandable and I really feel for you.
I have always found childrens parties to be contentious (both for Alistair and my 'typical' children) ...I must admit I am really pleased that my kids seem to be past all that.However they are now in the wonderful phase of sleepovers and that is a whole different ball game !!
I felt that parents were reluctant to invite Alistair in case I left him there and did a runner.. like most parents do!!Also I think that they didnt know if it was something he would do as a majority of the parents had never encountered an autistic child before and I felt they were a little scared of him..He did eventually get a few invites but I think that was them giving in to their kids pressure.Once I took him to a couple and got chatting with the other Mums it did change.I must admit that I only took him to a few as I found it quite stressful.. and he didnt care either way if he went or not.
Hope you are feeling a little better today
Leanne
Posted by Snowdrop
on 25th September 2009
at 22:47
Snowdrop
Thanks Josie & Leanne, a dinner & drink later & even a good nights sleep & I was still moaning about it this morning!
I do realise that Dylan doesnt even know so doesn't care but I still feel quite hurt, the whole party thing has upset me before but I realise I just have to get used to it!
Thanks for listening
Tracy
Posted by bumblebee
on 28th September 2009
at 09:25
Hi Tracy,
You are soooo not alone on this one! Josie (now 11) has been friends with a girl since she was 2. This girl's mother has always worked with children with SEN and knows how much Josie struggles with friendships....A few months ago, the girl had a birthday party. Not only did she not invite Josie, she invited Josie's friend who lives next door and the girls Mum told the child next door to keep the party a secret from Josie!! I was furious! She can invite whoever she wants but it hurts when they know how much our kids struggle and to ask kids to lie to each other means she knew full well how mean she was being.....The Mum knew full well that Josie never gets invited to parties and she has been there when one child at Josie's dance school invied the whole dance team apart from Josie.....I don't get how Mums can be like this with children...do they think Autism is contagious??!
It did have a positive twist though...when the girl next door told Josie, it made their friendship stronger.....It confirmed they had an honest, special friendship. :)
Claire - Community Champion
Posted by Snowdrop
on 29th September 2009
at 13:40
Snowdrop
Hi Claire
My rant is getting worse, I found out over the weekend that the party was at Monkeybizz, thats upset me even more as Dylan loves Monkeybizz & going to that party wouldn't have stressed him at all hence why I threw his party at Kidzone! To make matters worse I had a discussion with her about how good soft play centres are for Dylan, I'm fuming still!!
I really feel for Josie re. your story above, she must have been so upset. Whats also worrying is that the mum works wih SEN kids, she sounds like a lovely caring person ideally suited to her job!!!
I'm beginning to hate lots of people!!
Tracy
Posted by TomGray
on 30th September 2009
at 18:50
I could do with a little rant!
I really get annoyed when I don't answer immediately (busy still processing) so it's assumed I have hearing difficulties, then I get shouted at and that trips the little switch in my head that says "no, I don't want to hear this" and then I can't understand anything for a couple of minutes.
It reminds me of when I was in France a while back and I encountered an Englishman shouting at a Frenchman, I at first thought it was trouble - but when I listened he was shouting at him for directions! WHERE IS THE BLOODY STATION?
What is wrong with people? I thought it was us that had communication problems. Sheesh!
Posted by Leanne
on 30th September 2009
at 19:22
Hi Tom
Is there any chance you could expand on what you have just written about.. I have a step son with Aspergers who delays answering me .. I usually get a very blank expression , where I get nothing at all from him..and I really feel that he blocks out anything I say - usually because its something he doesnt want to deal with. I have found this behaviour infuriating as it seems anything he is interested in or that he wants, he hears fine and interacts perefctly fine.
Does this happen with anything that is said to you , or does it vary. Do you have any control over it ??
leanne
Posted by Leanne
on 30th September 2009
at 19:43
Hi Tom
Sorry .. that last sentence should have read ... everything that is said to you..
leanne
Posted by TomGray
on 30th September 2009
at 20:07
Sure Leanne, well I can try.
I have very sensitive hearing, this can be handy at times - at other times it's a pain in the neck. The problem is that everything I hear is as loud as everything else I hear. That makes it difficult to pick out one voice in a crowd, particularly if there's traffic noise or machinery and stuff going on. That's part of my answer.
The thing that your stepson may be doing is where I often have a problem. I can't say that he's the same without knowing him better, but here's what happens with me. You say to me something like "you have parked your car very close to mine". So I stop and think about what you said. Why are you telling me this. I know where I parked my car. Maybe this person is complimenting me on my parking ability. So I probably won't respond because I haven't actually been asked something and you haven't shown that you expect a response. So you say "I can't get out because your car is parked too close." By then the penny usually drops. If I'm really having a bad day you might actually have to ask me to shift the car, and then I will realise and apologise. I am in the odd situation where I can write this down and it makes me sound daft, but at the same time when I'm out in the 'real' world things are different and I guess instinct takes over.
I wondered if your stepson is a teenager. If so then there is a good chance he's just ignoring you! lol
![SiftGroups.com [opens in a new window]](sites/www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/themes/zen/treehouse/images/siftGroupsLogo.gif)
Posted by
Snowdrop
on 24th September 2009
at 21:08
Snowdrop
I need to rant, as Dylan was starting school in September I threw him a party at a soft play centre for his 4th birthday in June & invited kids from his pre-school that were going to be in his class at school, I did this even though I knew he wouldn't play with them but would love being there but so they would know who Dylan was & may pay him a bit of attention at school or at least not be horrible to him at school. Some of the invited kids that I knew had had parties & not invited Dylan but I did it anyway. 1 of the mums said her daughter would love to go but she doesn't drive so couldn't make it, I ended up giving her & her daughter a ride to & from the party & everthing went fine.
Today I found out she is throwing her daughter a 5th party & hasn't invited Dylan. I'm so upset & annoyed as I told her about Dylans language delay & how I hoped the party would help him socialise & she was very sympathetic but now shes done this. I would never have done that, out of politeness I would always make a point of inviting children that had invited my child, this woman talks to me a lot at the school & at the local toddler group & I feel like I could hit her next time I see her, I'm obviously not going to but I just feel so wound up about it.
There I've said my bit, I realise this may not be seem a big deal but its really upset me, anyway now I'm off to eat my dinner & have a large drink!!
Tracy
Posted by
Josie Barnshaw
on 25th September 2009
at 12:06
Hi Tracy
Hope the dinner and large drink did the trick!!
I think you have to look at it this way; it is their loss. Is Dylan aware of the party and if so, how has he taken it? I think I would have felt the same as you; sad at how my child had been treated, but I didnt come across this situation as Tom doesnt do parties or situations where there is no structure to the activities; he doesnt do Halloween, parties, school activities, etc.
Josie - Community Champion
Posted by
Leanne
on 25th September 2009
at 14:29
Hi Tracy,
Your feelings are completely understandable and I really feel for you.
I have always found childrens parties to be contentious (both for Alistair and my 'typical' children) ...I must admit I am really pleased that my kids seem to be past all that.However they are now in the wonderful phase of sleepovers and that is a whole different ball game !!
I felt that parents were reluctant to invite Alistair in case I left him there and did a runner.. like most parents do!!Also I think that they didnt know if it was something he would do as a majority of the parents had never encountered an autistic child before and I felt they were a little scared of him..He did eventually get a few invites but I think that was them giving in to their kids pressure.Once I took him to a couple and got chatting with the other Mums it did change.I must admit that I only took him to a few as I found it quite stressful.. and he didnt care either way if he went or not.
Hope you are feeling a little better today
Leanne
Posted by
Snowdrop
on 25th September 2009
at 22:47
Snowdrop
Thanks Josie & Leanne, a dinner & drink later & even a good nights sleep & I was still moaning about it this morning!
I do realise that Dylan doesnt even know so doesn't care but I still feel quite hurt, the whole party thing has upset me before but I realise I just have to get used to it!
Thanks for listening
Tracy
Posted by
bumblebee
on 28th September 2009
at 09:25
Hi Tracy,
You are soooo not alone on this one! Josie (now 11) has been friends with a girl since she was 2. This girl's mother has always worked with children with SEN and knows how much Josie struggles with friendships....A few months ago, the girl had a birthday party. Not only did she not invite Josie, she invited Josie's friend who lives next door and the girls Mum told the child next door to keep the party a secret from Josie!! I was furious! She can invite whoever she wants but it hurts when they know how much our kids struggle and to ask kids to lie to each other means she knew full well how mean she was being.....The Mum knew full well that Josie never gets invited to parties and she has been there when one child at Josie's dance school invied the whole dance team apart from Josie.....I don't get how Mums can be like this with children...do they think Autism is contagious??!
It did have a positive twist though...when the girl next door told Josie, it made their friendship stronger.....It confirmed they had an honest, special friendship. :)
Claire - Community Champion
Posted by
Snowdrop
on 29th September 2009
at 13:40
Snowdrop
Hi Claire
My rant is getting worse, I found out over the weekend that the party was at Monkeybizz, thats upset me even more as Dylan loves Monkeybizz & going to that party wouldn't have stressed him at all hence why I threw his party at Kidzone! To make matters worse I had a discussion with her about how good soft play centres are for Dylan, I'm fuming still!!
I really feel for Josie re. your story above, she must have been so upset. Whats also worrying is that the mum works wih SEN kids, she sounds like a lovely caring person ideally suited to her job!!!
I'm beginning to hate lots of people!!
Tracy
Posted by
TomGray
on 30th September 2009
at 18:50
I could do with a little rant!
I really get annoyed when I don't answer immediately (busy still processing) so it's assumed I have hearing difficulties, then I get shouted at and that trips the little switch in my head that says "no, I don't want to hear this" and then I can't understand anything for a couple of minutes.
It reminds me of when I was in France a while back and I encountered an Englishman shouting at a Frenchman, I at first thought it was trouble - but when I listened he was shouting at him for directions! WHERE IS THE BLOODY STATION?
What is wrong with people? I thought it was us that had communication problems. Sheesh!
Posted by
Leanne
on 30th September 2009
at 19:22
Hi Tom
Is there any chance you could expand on what you have just written about.. I have a step son with Aspergers who delays answering me .. I usually get a very blank expression , where I get nothing at all from him..and I really feel that he blocks out anything I say - usually because its something he doesnt want to deal with. I have found this behaviour infuriating as it seems anything he is interested in or that he wants, he hears fine and interacts perefctly fine.
Does this happen with anything that is said to you , or does it vary. Do you have any control over it ??
leanne
Posted by
Leanne
on 30th September 2009
at 19:43
Hi Tom
Sorry .. that last sentence should have read ... everything that is said to you..
leanne
Posted by
TomGray
on 30th September 2009
at 20:07
Sure Leanne, well I can try.
I have very sensitive hearing, this can be handy at times - at other times it's a pain in the neck. The problem is that everything I hear is as loud as everything else I hear. That makes it difficult to pick out one voice in a crowd, particularly if there's traffic noise or machinery and stuff going on. That's part of my answer.
The thing that your stepson may be doing is where I often have a problem. I can't say that he's the same without knowing him better, but here's what happens with me. You say to me something like "you have parked your car very close to mine". So I stop and think about what you said. Why are you telling me this. I know where I parked my car. Maybe this person is complimenting me on my parking ability. So I probably won't respond because I haven't actually been asked something and you haven't shown that you expect a response. So you say "I can't get out because your car is parked too close." By then the penny usually drops. If I'm really having a bad day you might actually have to ask me to shift the car, and then I will realise and apologise. I am in the odd situation where I can write this down and it makes me sound daft, but at the same time when I'm out in the 'real' world things are different and I guess instinct takes over.
I wondered if your stepson is a teenager. If so then there is a good chance he's just ignoring you! lol