new to this
Posted by
Josie Barnshaw
on 4th July 2010
at 21:47
Hi Angela
Welcome to the group :)
It sounds like you have your hands full and could be doing with some support. Where do you live? Are you in contact with any local carers' groups?
My youngest son is now 15 and was diagnosed when he was about 7 with Aspergers Syndrome. He is now in mainstream high school which has not been without it's difficulties.
What are the school doing about the bullying issues? Really they should be dealing with this and ensuring your son's safety while in their care. Do you have regular review meetings with the professionals involved in his education (Ed Psych, SLT, Pastoral Care Teacher, etc)? If not, it might be a good idea to request one and set out all your concerns about his difficulties in school and ask for supports to be put in place for him.
It might also be worth trying for a statement again.
Do you have a social worker? I instigated input from the Social Work Dept when my son was about 9 and through the Social Worker accessed support from the local autism group in the way of respite which takes the form of a four hour outing on a Thursday evening where he is picked up and meets up with others on the spectrum and they have various activities, mostly swimming, sport related and a snack at McDonalds with the odd trip to the cinema. Tom has made like-minded friends this way. I think it might be worthwhile contacting social worker and asking them to carry out an assessment of your son's needs.
Josie - Community Champion
Posted by
Leanne
on 5th July 2010
at 08:35
Hi Angela,
Welcome to our community , I really feel for you it is such a distressing situation.
My eldest is 15 with Aspergers and also attends a mainstream school and is academically bright but has been flagged as an under achiever.
About 18 months ago we insisted he got reassessed at school because he was top set for the sciences (which he loves) but middle for Maths and English. We knew academically he was capable of A* but because he was middle set he was only doing middle set work and as such was not demonstrating that he needed moving up. Bit of a vicious circle.. not helped by the fact that Johnathon realised that higher sets meant more work (he is very switched on lol)
Anyhow they got him to do an assessment meant for foreign students and he came out in the 90th ish percentile.. showing that he was very clever, they then moved him up and surprise surprise he is now flying.. still struggling with parts of English especially the language analysis.
Is your son in the right set.. do you think??
My son also suffered hugely at the hands of bullies but he did not make his life easy.. we had to do lots of roles plays at home getting him to explain what happened at school and we then could explain either how it could have been avoided or how to handle it.
We encouraged him to go to the library at lunchtimes or to the computer suite as breaks times were always worse.. things settled down by year 9 when he found a group of friends that had similar interests.. I think he met these through science and engineering club.
He had no friends until year 9 but now has about 30 on his msn which is just brilliant... we encouraged him to text and to chat on msn but it took a long time..
I have recently started taking some 'rescue remedy pastiles' and I give them to my middle son who suffers with anxiety .. maybe you could try those for your son..
Leanne - Community Champion
Posted by
Elena - former Community Manager
on 5th July 2010
at 09:48
Hi Angela, welcome to Talk about Autism! I'm sorry to hear that your son is experiencing such depression, and hope you will find some good ideas and support here amongst the other mums and dads who spend time here. Please let us know if there is anything specific you're looking for, and we'll do our best to help!
Elena
Posted by
bumblebee
on 5th July 2010
at 09:52
Hi Angela,
I am mum to 3 children on the spectrum. My oldest, Hollie is 14 and has Aspergers and anxiety disorder. Hollie went through a similar period at school and got very low. She spent some time in a Psych unit and is still under CAMHS 18 months later...she is now a young campaigner for the NAS helping them review the CAMHS service as it is desperately inadequate for our kids and so many people working for CAMHS just dont know how to help them....here is the link to the campaign and it has lots of info to get your child the help they need now...
http://www.autism.org.uk/youneedtoknow
Please dont wait to take action...When Hollie got so low she wanted to die, I was in shock and just felt complete disbelief that it was all happening and what was done was far too little far too late...it has taken such a long time to get her back on track and to be honest, I have had to learn how to do it myself as no-one understood what was going on or how to help her.... Her story is via the link under 'young campaigners/Hollie' and it may help to understand from an Aspergers perspective.
The first thing I would do is read up on yours and your son's rights and then start shouting very loud to get him help now....there are at least 2 support lines you can ring on this link above....I hope it helps ... let us know how you get on :0)
Claire - Community Champion
p.s if there are any areas in particular that he struggles with, please let us know and hopefully we can come up with some ideas to help him cope...
Posted by
Snowdrop
on 5th July 2010
at 13:24
Hi Angela & welcome to the forum
I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time at the moment, unfortunately I don't have any similar experience as my sons are only 5 and 16 months but I just wanted to welcome you, say the others have already given you some great advice and don't hesitate to come back and ask more questions if you need to.
Take care
Tracy - Community Champion
Posted by
demipowell
on 5th July 2010
at 21:27
Hi Angela
So sorry to hear about your son, you must be beside yourself. Its so hard when people just back away. I cant believe they can't offer you help until he is sectionable. So much for proactive mental health care. I can't offer any advice cos my little man is only five and not into these sorts of difficulties yet, but I hope you get some positive support for him soon.
Are the school tackling the bullying or not taking it seriously? Maybe addressing it from this angle would help, or do you feel it is past this now?
I hope you get some good advice.
Demi
Posted by
alw772004
on 5th July 2010
at 22:28
hi thankyou all that replied, social services were no help we had an assessment months ago they coulldnt come up with anything, have been to the school every day practically it does appear that they are listening and trying to deal with the bullies so fingers crossed if i can get a better balance at school for cam maybe he wont be as unhappy?? if it isn't school he finds something to be down in the dumps about he is just very low, had another meeting with camhs today and they say there is no other services available until he makes a genuine attempt on his own life!! what a joke we now dont have another appointment for 3 weeks, so between now and then i'm on my own again, i have had more advice on here and other forums for autism than any other professional bodies so i appreciate all the advice i have recieved thank you guys it really does help to no im not alone, I live in dorset if any one else lives here and would like to keep in touch even just for a sounding board i'm a good listener and u can never have enough friends or support drop me a line. hope your all having a good day so far? angela.
Posted by
asteroids
on 6th July 2010
at 08:53
Hi Angela,
So sorry to hear that your son is having such a terrible time. I hope you are able to find some support here, even if it's just to offload and feel that people are listening.
I can't really offer any more advice. It seems that you have explored most options already. I have had a similar experience with CAMHS where they refused to support a young lady I was teaching even though she was taking drugs and self harming (aged 11). They said they wouldn't do anything until she had actually been hospitalised. I do hope the NAS campaign has some effect on the service.
Have you been back to you GP to explain the situation? If you have a sympathetic GP, it might be worth a try, even if it's just for a bit of support for you.
Also, have you contacted TWAS?
http://www.specialfamilies.org/wessex_autistic_society.html
They are based in Dorset and may be able to offer some support for you and your son.
Please keep us informed and let us know if things improve, or get worse.
Asteroids Sara - Community Champion
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Posted by
alw772004
on 4th July 2010
at 21:18
my name is angela am single parent to an 11 y.o son with aspergers syndrome,he was diagnosed 4 years ago, not severe enough for statmenting has a note in lieu of statementing which is no help, he has been bullied at school physically, verbally and mentally he attends mainstream school and is above avarage intelligence although this isn't shown in his school work as he finds writing very difficult and painful, 2 weeks ago he got so upset and distraught at being bullied he wrapped a tie around his neck and threatened to kill himself!! he is low in mood and has no confidence and very low self esteem he never goes out side to play and he lives a very isolated life, we have camhs involved but i dont feel they are doing enough with reagards to his mental health i have been back to my g.p and he says he is unable to do any more i feel my son is depressed but unsure where or how to get more help for him?? does or has any one experienced something similar with their child or have any advice that would be helpfull i'd appreciate it i am desperately worried for my sons health the g.p said if he attempted suicide he would have to section him and put him in a teen mental health unit i would like to avoid this as he simply wouldn't cope without me he relies on me for everything which is exhausting. thanks ..............................