We lost Mark

Hi Hayles,

I hope you have calmed down a little now , I can only imagine how horrible you and your husband must have felt. It is the 'what ifs' that are more scary than anything else, I think. 

When my youngest was living with his Mum in the US he escaped twice.. both times over 6' fence panels, he would have been almost 4 at the time. Both times I believe he was returned by the local police, on one of the occassions he ended up in a neighbours house and was found by the houseowner in their bed.

For whatever reason he has never tried that whilst living here but it is something I am exceptionally aware of. I am not sure what you can do to stop it as I believe that once they get an idea in their heads they can be very determined, my youngest does demonstrate very good problem solving abilities :)

What about putting a bolt on the other side of the gate so that you have to lean over to open it.. 

Leanne - Community Champion

Hi Hayles,

I remember my son wandering off when I was in town with him once. He was 2 at the time and it was terrifying. We were in a big department store and I found him trying to open the doors onto the street. I dread to think what might have happened if he'd got through that door.

I'm relieved to hear that Mark was found safe and well. I'm not sure he'll understand why you and his dad were so worried. As well as additional security on the gate, could you introduce 'going out rules' for Mark? You could do this as a social story. For example, Mark always gets dressed before he goes out, Mark only goes through the gate if he's with Mummy or Daddy etc. This might be easier for him to understand.

Asteroids Sara - Community Champion

Hi Hayles,

THat must have been awful for you. I have lost both Josie and Jack through either them escaping or wandering off. Jack opened the front door once and walked outside straight into the road...It is so scary. Great idea about the stop cards. All we could do at the time was bolt and lock doors but there is always the chance that you forget and its not always possible to do this in other places...I used the 'no' cards for a while to stop him touching things like the cooker etc and it worked...I'd use these cards everywhere to help him understand the concept..... 

Claire - Community Champion

Dear Hayles

I have lost count of the number of times Matthew has been retrieved by various people.  I've lost him all over the place - theme parks, daytrips, up our road.  He has NO concept and thats exactly the sort of thing he would come out with.  We're quite lucky as we live in a culdesac and the neighbours are all aware of Matt and will retrieve him if he's up to anything.  But all the kids in our street play out so he has some limited freedm. 

I remember when he was about two, he got out into the neighbours garden.  Our garden is fenced in but their's isnt and he got all the way round the back and started crossing the MAIN ROAD to speak to someone on the other side!  On holiday this year he ran off and jumped head first into a river, fully clothed!  Thank goodness it wasnt deep. 

Matt also wanders into people''s houses and gardens and would think nothing of going into the fridge or sitting on their sofa if he could manage it.  He's always stealing toys from other garages and stuff.  Luckily we have very understanding neighbours!

Oh and he thinks nothing of going up the street completely starkers or just in his pants and wellies, even in the snow! He has even climbed out of his window in pyjamas to get outside!

 On the explaining it front, try and see it from his side.  He went to do something nice for mummy and got yelled at.  That will be very confusing for him if he doesnt understand.  Maybe try the Social Story approach, making it a general story rather than one about him, which confuses the issue.  If he can see it in the third person it might help.  Although saying that, one of the things I identified about Matthew is that about 80% of the time he can identify good/bad behaviour in theory or in other people but cannot apply it to himself. 

Sometimes these little dramas unfold just to highlight little gaps in our security or planning and without them we'd never know there was a problem, so try and stay positive and at least now you've got the measures in place to prevent future disaster.  I hope you're feeling a bit less shaky now.  Its so frightening!

Demi