To potty train or not to potty train
Posted by
Josie Barnshaw
on 10th July 2010
at 18:46
Hi Mel
Potty training was a nightmare for both of my sons ... took forever. My youngest still struggles to recognise the signs that he needs to go to the toilet and is always rushing at the last minute!!
I had a search around the forum and found these two threads on potty training and thought you might find them helpful.
http://www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/forums/autism/general-autism/2841
http://www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/forums/autism/general-autism/1377
Josie - Community Champion
Posted by
asteroids
on 10th July 2010
at 19:19
Hi Mel,
I didn't bother with potty training for either of my kids. My daughter was about 2 and a half when she decided to start using the toilet. She was dry day and night within a matter of weeks. My son was a bit slower, dry during the day just before his third birthday and dry at night when he was around 3 and a half. Neither of them used the potty and it was completely stress -free for all concerned.
When I talk to parents of young children, many will admit that their children didn't stop using nappies until around their 3rd birthday. For some reason, potty training is very competitive and I'm sure some parents aren't completely honest about it.
There is no scientific link between potty training and intelligence. I would go with your instinct and leave it for a while.
Asteroids Sara - Community Champion
Posted by
Leanne
on 10th July 2010
at 21:33
Hi Mel,
With my 2 ' typical' children ,my daughter was 2.5 - 3 ish when she was dry day and night and my son was older 3ish.With my 2 sons who are on the spectrum ,my youngest was 5 (but he became dry day and night within about 6 weeks) and my eldest was 11 before he was dry at night and even now does not know when he needs a poo.
I would 100% not rush into it , what other children are or are not doing is irrelevant,I think 2 is really young especially for a boy.
Go with your instincts and don't get dragged into competitve parenting, your child is unique and as such cannot be compared.. well thats what I think about my lot lol :)
Leanne - Community Champion
Posted by
Snowdrop
on 11th July 2010
at 11:54
Hi Mel
I really wouldn't be pushed into doing this if you really feel Luke isn't ready, it will become such a stress for you both! My friend tried rushing her daughter at 18months and kept with it, almost 9 months later she was still wetting little puddles all over the carpet and it was soooooooooo stressful for her. my friend insisted on carrying on with it because her mother kept on at her. She finally decided to stop after 9 months and put her back in nappies, she waited till she was 3 and tried again and this time her daughter was ready and it worked.
I also have a friend whose little boy is 5 and he still wets at night so I don't think you should be worrying yet.
Tracy - Community Champion
Posted by
demipowell
on 13th July 2010
at 21:35
Hi Mel
I'm going to give you some pretty strong advice - DONT DO IT. If you think he is not ready he is probably not. I have been potty training Matt since he was your sons age and he's now five and a half. We've only really had any success in the last six months. I wish I had just waited until I felt he was ready instead of getting into a big fankle about it.
One of the OTs gave me some quite good advice. If the child cannot verbally ask for the toilet and cannot physically undress themselves and get onto to the toilet and do the business then they are not ready.
Most NT kids dont potty train till they are three and boys are usually slower than girls. If you other kids were older, its usually got an element of genetics, so he might be older too. You stick to what YOU think and ignore other people, they havent a clue and are just SAD for comparing kids for their ability to WEE and POO, like SERIOUSLY! Its crazy when you write it down and look at it.
Matt still wets and soils and wears a nappy at night, although I MIGHT be about to try this again as he's had four dry nappies in five nights. Fingers crossed.
I'm sure you probably have enough things to worry about before you stress about potty training - like keepnig the food on the plate long enough to eat it before he spins it (if you figure that out let me know).
Demi
Posted by
Mel C
on 14th July 2010
at 20:30
Hi All,
Thanks for all your comments.... I know you are all right in going with my instincts and to not be pushed into anything to please people who dont have to do the task they are moaning about.
I tried Luke in cute little night garden undies for a few hours on Sunday with no success what so ever! He did like his potty and would actually sit on it for a while if he had something he really liked at the side of him such as the sprinkler to spin.
He had several accidents without noticing except to splash in the little puddle that he had made ( outside and on wooden floor luckily) and when we did manage to 'catch' something by chance, I couldnt even get him to notice it let alone know that he had done it etc
So that is my attempt at potty training for now and it will be good to have tried so if the dr asks at our nxt appointment, at least I will have something to say about it. I will keep the potty around and let him sit on it if he shows an interest and then when he is ready, its not going to be a new strange experience.
I`m going to wait a long time til hes past being ready and I know then like my daughter with special needs it will be an easier task, I hadnt ever though about training her and then suddenly thought I should try before her starting school and as far as I remember she did it more or less straight away, it definately wasnt a nightmare anyway.
Demi - I dont particularly agree with all your OT said, my daughter is physically disabled and cant get on and off by herself or undress but she is toilet trained .... I think the most important things are for the child to understand what they need to do, feel that they need to go and have some way of telling you so you can help them with the practical bits. Luke though has none of the skills she listed so is a definate not ready....
Anyway, thanks for all the advice, I will ask again in a few years :)
Mel x
Posted by
Snowdrop
on 15th July 2010
at 00:31
Hi Mel
That sounds like a good idea to leave the potty out so your son gets used to seeing it about & isn't scared of it, from age 1 I used to sit my son on the potty once a day at a time I knew would need to go to the loo (like after his sleep) or at bathtime and 9 times out of 10 he would go, I increased it to twice a day and then 3 times a day before finally potty training him, just so he knew what it was for.
Glad you feel better about it all anyway.
Tracy - Community Champion
Posted by
bumblebee
on 15th July 2010
at 09:44
Hiya Mel,
My Jack who is 4, was the same until this Jan..he had no sensation when he weed and never told us when he had pooed so the OT said that he clearly isnt ready to be potty trained...he would just stand there and wee and if he caught sight of it coming out he would get really freeked out!! I'd just give up for now and start again at a later date when he starts indicating that he can link the feeling with what is happening. When we did try and train Jack, he was dry in a matter of days!! He never liked the potty at all and used to either empty his crisps in it and use it as a bowl or he would put it on his head...never sit on it!! The girls were ok with potty training although Josie was a bit late and still has issues with enurisis but I wouldn't worry for now as no amount of tricks and tips seemed to work until he was ready.....
Claire - Community Champion
Posted by
demipowell
on 15th July 2010
at 22:31
Mel
I think you are right about leaving the potty out. Our process of potty training Matt has taken about three years and went in very small, small steps like that. And eventually each little bit creeps in. Matthew was very slow with it and I know lots of kids arent, but its still little steps and we're not done yet. We are getting there though. You will see when he is ready for next steps.
Demi
Posted by
Elena - former Community Manager
on 25th August 2010
at 16:03
I came across this American website called mamapedia which seems pretty good. In particular, I thought this article might help:
Emotionally Intelligent Potty Training
http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/emotionally-intelligent-potty-training
It may not all apply, but there are some good guiding principles here.
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Posted by
Mel C
on 10th July 2010
at 18:38
Hi Everyone,
Just wanted some ideas on potty training... I have finally given in to the nagging of my mother in law to try and potty train Luke. Her going on about her friends grandson who is potty trained and hes younger than Luke etc etc is driving me mad so I said fine I will give it a go but from what I`ve read about children with autism they usually potty train later.
Now some of my family are in denial about Luke being autistic ( hes not diagnosed yet) and however much you explain to them that things like a child trying to spin their dinner plate around repeatedly while they are eating is not typical behaviour, they just arent getting it.
Anyway back to potty training... Luke is 2 on the 21st of this month so is still very young anyway but any advice on how to go about it would be great. My eldest was a nightmare and was almost 3 when we suceeded and my other daughter who has special needs (not autism) was 4 but did it virtually straight away.
My gut instinct is Luke isnt ready, not sure that he will understand really. He does pull at himself sometimes when I assume he is weeing and last week in the bath he noticed he was weeing...I know he noticed because the little darling looked down and put his fingers under it like he does with the watering can! Gross but very funny lol
Any advice would be great,
Mel x