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Problems with other kids

Posted by
bumblebee

on 21st May 2010

at 10:04

Hi All,

 

Josie is really struggling with 2 boys at school and this has been going on for a while now. She is a drama queen, so everything is exaggerated quite a bit, but I do think in fairness, this is her true perception of what is going on....These boys seem to be trying to be her friend, but also have ASD so they are getting it very wrong. WHen they are rejected by Josie, they have thrown stones at her, pushed her etc...She is no wall flower so I know she can stand up for herself, but now the older kids who look at her as a sort of younger sibling are stepping in and defending her and its all kicking off!!

 

The teachers are now suggesting moving her to another class which is fine, but still there are only 2 classes per year group and 6 in each class so there isnt much chance of staying away from them...I really want to teach her the skills to overcome this rather than run away from it. I have suggested she speak to a teacher, to try and always stay close to a teacher at break times, to try and ignore them etc...I am not sure that she is even trying these things because her opinion is that she is doing nothing wrong so they should be the ones to stay away, and she shouldnt have to adapt at all....If amyone has any ideas about how to get through to her bearing in mind her very ridgid ways of thinking!! Id really appreciate it...I want her to learn skills to deal with all types of situations but this is really getting her down and she has just come to the end of yet another ''worst week of her life''!! (I did say she is a drama queen!!)

 

Thanks guys

 

Claire - Community Champion

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Posted by
Leanne

on 21st May 2010

at 10:50

Hi Claire,
Sorry to see that Josie is having a hard time.. have the school considered using it as an opportunity to teach all 3 involved appropriate social behaviour.. both from the boys side and from Josies. I think that situations like this are only really understood through role plays.. I know its all well and good to move her but that really isn't going to address the social skills issue :)
Leanne - Community Champion

Posted by
Josie Barnshaw

on 21st May 2010

at 11:16

Hi Claire

I feel for all three of them; their difficulty with their social skills are just getting in the way. I had a similar situation with Tom but he was the one doing the heavy handed attempts at socialising with a girl in the respite group. She was kind of playing him off against one of the other boys and Tom's response was to bombard her with text messages. Fortunately their contact was limited to that few hours on a Thursday evening and there was constant supervision so it was a heavily monitored situation and seems to have blown over, fingers crossed.

I think Leanne's suggestion is the obvious one and the school should instigate and supervise an "arbitration" meeting with all three of them to clear the air, so to speak. Perhaps if they all got to calmly lay their cards on the table they could reach an amicable solution.

Josie - Community Champion

Posted by
Josie Barnshaw

on 21st May 2010

at 11:18

Hi again Claire

Oops, forgot to say that the stone throwing and abuse is not acceptable behaviour. Just realised that my post looked as if I might have found that acceptable under the circumstances ...... I dont!!!! Honest!!!

Josie - Community Champion

Posted by
bumblebee

on 21st May 2010

at 11:50

Hi Leanne,

I have taken your advice and emailed the school to suggest this....fab idea, thank you :0)

Hi Josie,

I didnt take it like that at all silly!! Not only am I not that deep, (:0) and I agree with you that it is stepping over the mark, I dont think this is bullying in that sense at all. Josie is more than capable of sticking up for herself and she is one strong confident young lady! I also think she is as much to blame in this too....blame is the wrong word actually as none of them really understand this situation at all and none of them are to blame, just confused!....

I am always reluctant to use the 'bullying' word as I think it is over used quite a bit. There are some children who are truly bullied and who are deeply affected by it, but it is a constant battering of emotions or physically and it has to have a marked detremental effect on the child in question. I think much of what is called bullying is run of the mill kiddy behaviour which may seem shocking to us, but is part and parcel of the cycle of growing up. I think that many of those situations affect the parents more than the kids infact!!

I remember when Hollie started school, there were 2 girls who ruled the playground. They would go round calling the others names and picking on the kids who were 'weaker' than them, sometimes hitting the other kids too...I was truly shocked and thought I'd put my child in the worst school ever!! The thing was, that these girls were only 5 too!! and they had really underdeveloped social skills because of thier age. We didnt know as parents what was going on behind the scenes with the teachers and they taught these girls how to behave appropriately in time and it also taught the other kids valuable skills of seeking and asking for help, resolving conflicts and keeping themselves safe...they all have to learn them at some point and Id rather it was done in a place like school with little ones rather than in the street when they are older!!

I think with Josie, the problem here is that not only did she never learn these skills, this situation is just so incredibly annoying for her and because it has been going on for so long now, they have all fitted into these 'roles' which are pretty unhelpful for all concerened! sorry, I'm rambling again!

Claire - Community Champion